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It is a well known fact that communication is key in order for any kind of relationship to thrive. However the problem is that most of the time we view communication as speaking and sharing thoughts rather than the two way street it actually is. Listening to your partner is an equally important component of the communication process.
A good listener makes for a good partner as paying attention to someone is a sure sign of caring it can also make you a superstar. Good listening encourages your partner to open up to you but also in the process you increase your value in their life. Women, in general, express themselves better than men through shared conversation, which makes it important for a man to be a good listener. At times you may find that the topic being talked about may not intrigue you as much as it interests her but because you care about her, you need to at least make an effort and try to listen.
In my experiences, a good tip is to listen to what she is saying. If much of what she is saying has to do with how “she feels” it’s really time to sit to listen and understand because most men (for the ladies) operate on facts and logic and a lot of times, feelings (for me) can be irrational. This may lead to a longer conversation but grab your popcorn because emotions can be a rollercoaster ride. To get on you both on the same page you have to understand it all about trust. We may already know the facts, but how you feel about it is where the mystery begins. So, if you are not sharing how you feel you are missing an opportunity to make yourself vulnerable, build a connection and create trust.
When you pay attention to what she tells you, it gives you the chance to understand her thought pattern better, know what she likes and the kind of person she is and more importantly how not to trigger that proverbial land mine. Additionally, you get to understand her general character which makes it easier to plan for things such as birthday presents and surprise dates as well as the things she loathes. You would be amazed to know how many quality style points you earn when you surprise her with something like a trip to the ice cream shop or road trip to the beach; something that she talked about (maybe not even to you directly) MONTHS ago. The fact that she is talking to you in the first place is a good sign, as it shows that she trusts you. Use that to your advantage.
A relationship is about two people and communication, therefore should never revolve around you alone. You may be tempted to share some great news about your achievements or your highlight of the day (which is a good thing) but allow her to tell you about hers first. Show as much excitement and engagement in her stories as you would want her to show when she is listening to you. A true gentleman knows to always put his lady first in every situation in order to keep her happy, talking included.
Forgetting important things mentioned in conversations often leads to miscommunication, missed opportunities and mistakes. The moment she realizes you do not pay attention to what she says, she will stop sharing with you and may even start conversing with other people who she “feels” give her more attention. Sometimes this could even be another man and know this, your bad listening habits will be the topic of discussion which “he” will initially learn from your errors, which may ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship.
You will find another and you both will move on but, specifically for the guys, one of the greatest turn offs in relationships is a partner that can’t let the last flame go and brings up any of their exes in conversations. Avoid talking about past relationships at all cost as this can breed insecurity within your current relationship. It may create the impression that you still long for what you had in the past. Even if it presents the current relationship in a better light than the past one, avoid talking about it.
Thankfully a great amount of modern day conversations are done via text and video chat on applications such as the IceBreakers app. This gives you the best of both worlds because it allows you to put your feelings in print and you can always reread conversations to ensure you do not forget the important things and that your feelings are true. But IceBreakers app is just a communication medium. Outside of looking for that hot party, romantic place to go or where your friends are hanging out for the night IceBreaker was built to encourage people to put down the phone and have a real personal interaction with that special or potential special someone and live in the moment.
Giving her the platform to talk as you listen reduces pressure off yourself and the chances of any awkward silent moments. You also limit the odds of saying something you may later regret. Do not make the mistake of brushing her off when she speaks.